Cheating on your spouse is often met with shame and separation, but undoubtedly shakes the foundations of any relationship. The recoil can leave people broken and leery of the world.
That’s because the crime goes against the most sacred pillar of love: fidelity.
But in order for it to devastate the relationship, monogamy must first be agreed upon. Which means you have to trust that person’s promise, bound only by the measure of his or her integrity. However, it’s not always easy to believe what people say they’re going to do, and it’s equally difficult to try and banish all romantic and lustful feelings for other people.
Agreeing to a monogamous relationship is simply saying, “I like you more than I desire to sleep with other people.” It is the bit of flesh we sacrifice when we say “I do.” A small sacrifice to adorn your life with something only another person can offer. Most would agree. But there are people out there who disagree and think, “Fuck that, I want it all.” Well, cake does taste better with ice cream and three can be company, despite the old platitudes that suggest otherwise. The people who go against the standard, often conditioned, and sometimes boring practice of monogamy are polyamorous.
Polyamory is not insidious like cheating on your spouse on her birthday, or with his brother. You don’t need to have clandestine meetings to avoid scrutiny – honestly, people scrutinize all kinds of behavior anyway – or worry about hurting anyone. That’s because polyamory is an open practice among people who consent and understand the terms of being in this kind of relationship. Usually one might become jealous of their partner being with another person, and it’s natural to feel such emotions. But jealousy, in part, spawns more from insecurity and a possessive disposition than anything else. So in a polyamorous relationship it is encouraged to let go of the notion that the other person somehow owes you fidelity and security. Being able to do this can open up a whole new cosmos of enjoyment between many people. And, maybe, being able to let go can relax one’s insecurities and allow them to be at ease.
This could be reaching pretty far though, because some people consider polyamory a sexual orientation more than a preference. It’s an identity to them just as much as someone identifies as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or transgender. But participating in it, however you decide to identify, will certainly be worth it. And if you decide to join two people in their relationship, you would be the unicorn. So take joy in knowing you’ll be the mystical creature in that relationship.