To F*ck or not to F*ck? – one for the girls who wonder “should I sleep with him?”
This is the question that every woman has asked themselves at least once… or many times.
If you’re stuck worrying that you’re moving too fast or too slow, it can be really stressful. You don’t want to put yourself out there and have your heart broken, but you also don’t want to deprive yourself (inner sex goddess has needs too – hello).
Sleeping with someone for the first time
We’ve all experienced that pain of sleeping with someone for the first time after gaining feelings and having them run away (by the way – not your fault). Let’s be real here, these kinds of men do it to every girl they sleep with. Try your best not to take it personally – you’re fabulous. Why they do this, well that’s a whole ‘nother article. – If you’re a man and you’re reading this, I mean no disrespect – you’re wired differently after all.
We can all admit it’s a shit feeling if the vibe between you and a guy changes after sex. Good on you if you’re thinking things through to protect yourself. If things don’t work out the way you want, just follow in Lizzo’s footsteps and say (or yell loudly with a bottle of wine in hand) “you coulda had a bad bitchh!!”.
Being able to decipher what kind of man you’re dealing with is a skill you accumulate as you get older – well I’d like to think so anyway – touch wood. Sometimes though we will still f*ck up and fall for the wrong person. Mistakes shall happen ladies.
The more times you get your heart broken: the more you learn, hooray! *sarcasm intended*
How soon should I sleep with him start after meeting?
The answer to this question can become so complicated but let’s start off by saying not on the first date. For heck sakes whatever route you take, make sure you don’t take that one silly! Unless of course a one night stand is preferred then bombs away girlfriend (no judgment whatsoever).
Funnily enough though, social researchers haven’t actually been able to narrow down how many dates two people should have, before they sleep together. Reason being, there’s so many different factors as to what ‘dates’ can actually entail. Did it last for hours? Was it a quick lunch or did you spend whole night together? Were there 4 in one week or spaced out over a month? See what I mean.
Although, according to Sex and the City (our lovely Charlotte York) 3 dates. I’m guessing by that she meant something classic like dinner, flowers, door opening (If we manage to find a chivalrous man – hallelujah).
I think it’s much better to instead measure the length of time that you’ve known him.
In my opinion (if you want something serious with this person) at least 2-3 months. Steve Harvey and I have this thought in common, although he calls it the 90 day rule. (Shout out to my main man Steve – as chivalrous as it gets).
Should I sleep with him? Why wait?
Not only does waiting build up the sexual tension and give you both something to look forward too; if you wait this period of time, you allow yourself to learn who this man is and what his intentions are.
It allows you to separate the truth from an initial facade to get in your panties.
Steve states that the 90 day rule:
“signals to a man that you are not a plaything – someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have – your benefits – are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he deserves them.”
What to watch out for during this time
Does he personally come to your rescue if you’re sick or your car breaks down? If he makes plans with you… does he follow through or leave you hanging?
It’s the really simple things that show he is respectful, like calling you back when he said he would. Never repeatedly making you feel like you’re out of the loop, left wondering where he is.
I think that to most women over the age of 18, red flags are extremely easy to pick up on but some of us choose to ignore them. By not having sex you are removing the emotional attachment and thinking with that smart mind of yours.
Good luck ladies!