Sex vs Love

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There’s a difference. In fact, there are a lot of differences. Sex is fast, wild and wicked. Making love is sensual, slow and passionate. Sex is loud and uncouth, while making love is deep, forming a physical, cosmic connection. Sex is superficial, with the sole objective of coming in the best, most exhilarating fashion. Making love is discovering another persons body, making art out of the act.

Both are great. Both are needed in relationships, too, for spice and diversity. Neither one is better than the other; wild sex and love making are dictated by mood. Additionally, if it’s a casual fling or one night stand, it can be much harder to ‘make love’ so to speak, since the mood is hot and heavy (and perhaps regrettable the next day…). Both sex and making love are heightened extremes of intimacy, and achieving one or the other can take time and skill.

In some long-term relationships, couples may find it difficult to break away from their traditional sexual routine. A couple may add toys, a different location, watch porn, etc., yet the aura of sexual expression remains stagnant. A simple way to alleviate this would be not having intercourse for a bout of time, and resisting the urges when they spark, until breaking point. Only then will the primal, animalistic urge take over, and for a time, it’ll just be about fucking… the cuddles can come later.

On the other hand, the key idea about making love is in the title: love. It implies that partners have already expressed their love for each other, and the inclusion of that makes the value of sex increase. Primal urges are included, but it’s that added emotion which elevates sex into another dimension. The only thing that matters is the closeness of being with the one you love.

As mentioned above, the mood dictates the type of sex a couple may have. The important thing is not to predestine what you may be feeling, when your partner(s) may be feeling the exact opposite. I’m an advocate for communication, but sometimes the mood is unspoken; let your bodies do the talking. One of the most alluring aspects of sex is in the anticipation, but the anticipation for the unknown is an even greater, more mysterious thrill. If it’s a relationship of trust, security, confidence and communication, then let whatever you’re feeling in the moment take you; wild or intimate, it’s all good.

Charlie Hayley

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