Squirting: A Drop In The Ocean

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Some thoughts on female ejaculation

… and that time I had a threesome

January 11, 2016 is a date the world will never forget. Neither will I, but for reasons quite different to the cultural tragedy the world collectively mourned for. The night David Bowie died, I squirted. I ejaculated what felt like litres of some unidentifiable liquid. As a straight, white, cis woman, it was one of the most memorable nights of my life.

The squirting came as a result of a threesome – two hetero men and me. We were at it for hours on a mattress in the lounge room of our friend’s share house. It was my first ever threesome. And I have to say – it was pretty fucking great. “We want to make you feel amazing,” said Michael. That’s exactly what he did with help from his friend Louis. They weren’t interested in each other sexually. They didn’t even kiss. It was all about me – just the way I like it. They took turns and simultaneously pleasured me from my feet to the hair follicles on the top of my head. Toe sucking included.

“You’re amazing! You’re beautiful! Look what your body can do!” Michael yelled with glee as he cupped my cum in his hands and threw it up in the air, much like a leprechaun that had finally found his pot of gold. As it rained down on top of us I couldn’t stop laughing. None of us could. I felt incredible, sexy, satisfied and acutely alive.

To some extent, female ejaculation has been reserved for the bedrooms of queer women.

Maybe that’s why some ‘straighty-one-eighties’ don’t even know it exists. Or claim it’s impossible…face palm. But as the expert team at OMGYES assert, every woman can learn how to squirt. So if you have a vagina, it’s definitely worth finding your key and unlocking the door. “I squirt pretty much every time I have sex,” says Sam, a gender queer friend of mine that has had sex with men, women and everything in between. “The squirting myth (that it doesn’t happen) has well and truly been dispelled in queer circles.”

Given how complex female anatomy is, it’s not surprising that squirting did not feel like the kind of orgasm I have had during ‘regular’ sex. In fact, experts agree (including sexologist Dr Carlen Costa in Canada, the makers of LELO vibrators and many others) that women can experience many different types of orgasms. Squirting is just one of them. “It can sometimes be like a wave and then a waterfall of euphoric pleasure… it’s different to a clitoral orgasm,” says Sam.

What set it apart for me was the sheer amount of liquid that came out of my body. It was kind of shocking. And exhilarating.

So what exactly is the liquid that spills out of women when they ejaculate?

It’s still a topic of debate. And in some cases, derision. In fact, an article published by I Fucking Love Science (IFLS) used a study of just seven women to announce squirting was nothing more than “adult bedwetting.” Why? Because scientists found the liquid contained less than one percent of uric acid – pee. But Amy Luna Manderino, sex expert and author of The Sex Evolution, explains in Episode 430 of Dan Savage’s Savage Love Cast, “male ejaculation contains even more uric acid than that. Are men bedwetting too? IFLS are shaming a perfectly natural, physiological occurrence.” Manderino prefers to call squirting an “orgasmic flush.” “It’s the body’s way of cleansing these water soluble chemicals from the body and it’s very pleasurable for women and their partners.”

So how do we make it happen? There are some great resources out there to help you get the orgasmic squirts, by yourself and with your partner/s. Try OMGYES.com, an online reservoir dedicated to demystifying women’s pleasure. It’s not free but worth every dollar – trust me. Episode 430 of Dan Savage’s podcast ‘Savage Love Cast’ also has some pointers. As does Episode 10 of Why Are People Into That. If you want to learn how to induce a squirt from your partner, why not learn from the experts? Find someone that specialises in it on MyPlaymate. Just remember, “…men don’t give you orgasms. It’s YourGasm,” says Amy Manderino.

Squirting during a threesome with two open-minded men was one of the most positive sexual experiences I’ve ever had. I even wrote it in my “special book” – a scrapbook of life affirming moments a therapist told me to keep years ago. So one day, when I’m eighty years old looking back at what made my life great, I’ll come to the page that reads, “The night David Bowie died, I had a threesome with two boys and I squirted.” I think my future self, and David Bowie for that matter, would be very proud.

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