If your partner was a virgin (kudos on the “was”), you are probably still traumatised by the long talks you’ve had with them prior to their first sexual relation. Why? Because they believed all the misconceptions about losing one’s virginity. Some people are fearful of doing it for the first time for a variety of reasons. Most of them are because of the following myths which are 100% untrue.
First of all, there’s a difference between discomfort and agony. Women think they’ll be in more pain than they’ve ever been in their lives. Absolutely wrong. Yes, there will be some minor discomfort, but by no means a take-the-shovel-and-bury-me-now pain. Compared to the pain they’ve already experienced from periods – this is nothing. That first time discomfort can be taken care of if she’s not tense. Some things to keep in mind. USE PLENTY OF LUBE. And prior to using the lube, spend a lot of time on foreplay to get you both warmed up. When both are done right, neither of you will experience any discomfort whatsoever.
Not all women break their hymen during sex, so not all virgins will bleed during their first time. For those that do, a few drops of blood don’t really qualify as “bleeding”, right? Yes, when the hymen is broken, she might shed a few drops, but it doesn’t even happen in all cases. This whole illusion around “hymens” and “virgins” are just societal pressures. She can rest assured that the room won’t look like a scene from a Tarantino movie. If she even does bleed, that is.
She won’t feel good
That’s up to you, stud. If you’ve taken your time with foreplay, used enough lube, you’re gentle and you don’t thrust away like there’s some contest going on – she’ll feel great. As she should. Most women don’t feel good the first time because they’re not properly lubricated or they’re extremely tense. Or both. But you both should prepare for these beforehand.
Nothing that can’t be solved.
She’ll be impure
Again, what is this supposed to mean?! Did she just step on land from the Mayflower? No. Having sex doesn’t make a woman impure. That’s just biblical propaganda. Sex, alongside swearing when the alarm goes off in the morning and eating, is among the most natural things in this world.
It defines us as what we are: humans. And here’s some food for thought: men are never seen as impure when they lose their virginity. Double standards everywhere… To sum it up: no, she won’t be impure. Anything but, really. Just in case, check in with her to make sure she knows this is nothing to be ashamed of.
Losing your virginity can be the most wonderful thing. It depends on how much credence you both give to the gossip that has been spread by society and all over the Internet. Of course, you might know they’re all myths, but she doesn’t. You might need to explain a few things to her. And don’t lose your head and force her to do this when she’s clearly afraid to do it. Explain how all these things work and that she won’t have a bad time.