Sexting has become a standard of new age dating. In a generation of the device obsessed, it seems only natural that we’re using our phones to get off. And it’s not just happening in established relationships. People are sexting casually as well. In a study of men and women ranging from 18 to 82 year olds, 88% said that they had sent or received a sexually explicit message. The majority of these sexters were in committed relationships, but 43% were sexting in casual relationships. This research also linked sexting with high relationship satisfaction. With all these benefits, it’s no wonder that so many of us are getting busy on our smart phones. It sure doesn’t hurt that it’s kind of hot too. What am I saying….it’s f**king sexy as hell!
So why do we find the sext so intriguing? It’s cerebral – a perfect mix of witty banter and just the right amount of raunchiness. Sexting can be a platform to explore sexual fantasies and create the toe curling build-up for the main event. Here are some tips & tricks on how to send the kind of message that is sure to get your partner hot, bothered and aching with oh so much ‘antici…pation’.
Sexting with Someone New
Be careful of sexting too soon after connecting with a new person. Timing is everything. Sending a sext too soon will seem like all you’re interested in is sex, which is fine if you are, but if you’re not, the affect won’t be ideal. Try dipping your toe in the water first – send something light and flirty like, “I can’t stop thinking about the way you looked in [insert whatever they were wearing]”, or “I’m in bed. Wishing you were here to help me fall asleep.” and see how they respond. Their response or lack of one will be all you need to gauge how you should proceed. When in doubt follow the ground rule – Don’t sext until you’ve actually ‘sexed’.
Re-kindle a long-term relationship.
Try telling your partner exactly what you want to do to them when they get home from work or send a message reminiscing about a particularly steamy encounter. Did you have really hot sex last time you were on holiday? What about that time you came home soaked from the rain and couldn’t make it up the stairs without taking each other’s clothes off? This is a person you know intimately, so use some of that knowledge to your advantage and type something that will drive them wild with desire. Be descriptive and remember that this virtual foreplay and it’s all about the build, so don’t lay all your cards on the table too quickly. Sexting is a pastime meant to be enjoyed slowly and with gusto.
Sexting during Your Daily Routine
A lot of people aren’t just sexting from the comfort of their homes. They’re sexting while they’re in the office, the gym or even at the supermarket. This kind of risky behaviour can be wildly erotic.
A friend in a corporate office job in the city told me about one of her recent experiences:
“I was in work and the guy I was seeing started to sext me. The messages were so hot and finally he asked me to go into the ladies room and take off my panties and put them in my purse. For the rest of the day it made me feel like I had a dirty secret, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what we would do when I saw him later that evening. The anticipation was unreal. “
As a general rule it’s best not to send naked pictures to people who haven’t already seen you naked.
Also, unsolicited dick picks ARE NOT SEXY. Guys stop sending them. Seriously, stop it. If someone asks to see it in all its glory, by all means, snap a photo, but if not, try sending a dirty message packed full of innuendo instead.
Dick Pic Tip: Don’t send a picture of your dick and your feet. It’s not going to be your best angle. Try adding some torso or something that gives a sense of proportion. It’s sexier to see the BIG picture, like your bulge attached to a sexy body.
And on the topic of nude photos, be smart. Even if you’re not a politician or a movie star (yet), it’s best to follow a few ground rules. Don’t take a photo that includes your face or any distinguishing features. This way you’re covered, literally, in case that photo ever leaks out into the world. Also, you’ve got to keep in mind that other people may see this photo and I’m not just talking about revenge porn. You have to consider the possibility of the person you send your nude shot to sharing a glimpse of the photo with a friend.
Solution – You’re going to need to look hot. Know your best angles and think about your lighting. While you work your selfie game, you also need to be careful that it doesn’t look like you tried too hard. And here’s another pro tip: Check what’s in the background. Don’t pose in front of a toilet, dirty laundry, used condoms, etc….you get the idea.
I once had a friend who wanted to send her boyfriend a nude photo of herself from an event we were attending. After spending way too long in the loo struggling for the perfect shot, she calls me over. “Hey you’re a photographer, right? Can you help me??” Champagne in tow we went back in and took what we thought were some really sexy photos. The response to her sext wasn’t exactly what she was expecting. It was more like, “What are you doing? And who took those photos??” The moral of this story: keep it simple and don’t make it too obvious if someone else was involved unless that is part of the turn on.
We spoke with some Adult Press readers and here are some of their biggest complaints:
“It’s a big turn off when someone spells come instead of cum. There is something inherently sexy about that ‘u’.”
“I judge people on how they respond to sexting. It’s like an early deal breaker test for me. If they can’t have a little fun and keep up the sexy banter, I’m just not into it.”
“Don’t get too carried away. Read your message before you hit send. An inopportune autocorrect can really kill the mood. No one wants to hear how you are going to duck them or rub their clot.”
And their biggest Sexting Turn-Ons:
“The biggest turn on for me is total openness – the honesty and intimacy of saying exactly what you’re thinking.”
“Powerful physical description and selective usage of heavy language can be such a turn on. Hearing how much she wants to take his cum.”
“I love how my partner is so polite and treats me like a princess when we’re out together, but then sends me the filthiest messages that make me blush.”
And here were some of our favourite sexting Do’s
And then some sexting don’ts
Do you have any great sexts you would like to share with us? What about the worst? Send a screenshot to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember to blur names for privacy.