Nowadays we know about all kinds of sexual orientations. The world has only just about got its head around the concept of gays and lesbians, and these orientations have already been widely accepted. In a lot of countries across the world, it is possible for gays and lesbians to marry their partners. The next step was bisexuality which unfortunately still isn’t fully accepted in modern society, but we are getting there.

However, more obscure forms of sexuality to exist. There are many arguments as to whether these can be considered “accepted” sexualities, or whether they are just varying shades of the above. Whatever they are or can be classified as the important thing to remember is that there are people who feel this way and who would describe their sexuality as such. And this is where we enter demisexuality.

Asexuality and Demisexuality – What’s the Difference?

You may have heard of asexuality whereby a person doesn’t feel sexual attraction to either gender. They may very well have a strong romantic/affectionate attraction to one or more genders, but the idea of having sex doesn’t turn them on. Some asexuals will refuse to have sex with their partners, whereas others will do it out of love and the desire to fill their partners’ needs.

But what about the demisexuals?

In some ways, a demisexual can be seen as a person who stands in the gray area between asexuality and “regular” sexuality. A demisexual, as a rule, isn’t sexually attracted to anyone but they are attracted to a romantic/affectionate level. They do indeed experience sexual attraction (and have a sex drive) but the attraction only comes when they’ve gotten to know the whole person.

Portrait of a Demisexual

A demisexual will, for example, meet someone that they are aesthetically attracted to. After spending time dating and getting to know that person, they find that they enjoy their company and want to get to know them better. The attraction will grow and soon romantic feelings will follow: the desire to touch and kiss will eventually unfold and the typical signs of falling in love or at least attraction will follow.

Afterward, they may start to feel the sexual pull towards their partner. At the point, it is usually because they already know and trust their partner deeply. That’s when a lot of demisexuals report that attraction in all of its forms shows.

Are demisexuals gay, lesbian or bisexual?

The answer to this question lies in the person themselves. Some who claim to be a demisexual state that they only experience romantic attraction to a single gender. They are therefore unable to feel this with other genders and will therefore either categorize themselves as “straight demisexuals” or “gay demisexuals”. Bisexual demisexuals are also common.

It can be said that terms like these are simply a way of helping people describe their sexual orientation and their desires more accurately. In a world where people are becoming more in tune with their sexuality, this can only be seen as a good thing!


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